It had been along day. It was around 20 years ago, when I was volunteering for a project in Germany. Most of what we did was online, but once in a while we all came together in Germany. It was good, but also a completely immersive language experience for me. Nobody used English in the project, so it was normal to only use German when we met up.
I knew most of the people there from working with them, but actually being together in the same place was completely different. Lots of voices talking at the same time. Lots of information to process. At home I had time to figure out my replies – most of it was written communication back then. Suddenly I had to think fast – and as soon as I’d built my beautiful German sentence, the conversation had sped off in another direction and I let myself be left behind.
I understood everything, but it was exhausting.
Knowing myself better now, I don’t love those environments in English either – but at the time I put it all down to some kind of lack in my German skills.
I retreated further and further into my shell. Observing everything, contributing nothing. With every passing second it got harder and I wasn’t sure how to get back from there.
Then one of the other girls there suggested going for a walk. I think someone else came and maybe one other person, but maximum 4 and because we were walking two by two, it was really just the two of us having a chat. It worked! I started talking again. Laughing! Being a part of what was going on. That walk was just what I needed. I was over-stimulated and frustrated because I had started to doubt that I even belonged there. A change of scenery and a bit of kindness fixed that.
I could have taken myself off on my own, but going with others got me speaking German again and that was really what I needed. Sometimes doing something really simple can make someone feel like they belong… Just a smile or a question or the suggestion to going for a coffee. This can be something language-related – if you’ve only ever worked in your first language, sometimes the “fun social time” is the hardest!) Sometimes it’s because someone is new or they don’t know Anyone. Sometimes people don’t like big groups, but it doesn’t mean they want to be completely alone!
Why am I telling this story? I think the point is to say we never know what’s going on in someone else’s head. When it comes to communicating in our other languages, being quiet might mean that someone just wants to observe, but it doesn’t mean they have nothing to say. Taking a bit longer to respond doesn’t mean that someone hasn’t understood the question. Giving a simpler answer doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t have more inside their head that they will say one day once they have the vocabulary.
And also, kindness goes a long way 😊
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